fter posting 3 Easy Ways to Collaborate, I was asked, “But how do I network? I’m not good at it.” While I think there are plenty of articles on how to network (here’s one to start), I’m more interested in taking the concept a step further…that is, to connecting.

Networking, as defined by Alan Weiss is “the activity of meeting others in a systematic manner, particularly those who can buy, recommend, or otherwise support your services.” (Weiss, 2009) It’s a skill that can be learned. Similarly, I believe we can develop habits like empathy and generosity and combine them with networking which I would define as connecting.

Connection – or relationship – is an innate human need that spans across continents and cultures. “The yearning to attach and connect, to love and be loved, is the fiercest longing of the soul.” (Ortberg, 2003) Forging relationships with people and then helping them forge relationships with others would not only reap the benefits of traditional networking, but would develop an altruistic “pay it forward” type of lifestyle. And, though the connections you make with others and for others might not always benefit you directly, they can change the lives of people you come into contact with.

Still, not everyone is a natural connector who enjoys the challenge of meeting new people, or introducing friends to each other. For example, introverts can become drained going through the “where are you from” and “what do you do for work” conversations, no matter fabulously interesting the other party is. Others have a really hard time remembering the names and faces of people they meet, which makes it hard to develop even an acquaintanceship with them.So, how can one develop the art of connection?I propose these three simple steps:

1. Take a genuine interest in the people you see on a regular basis.

Whether it’s the barista who brews your daily caffeinated fix, or the guy who lives in the apartment above you, get to know something about them. Start with their name! Then, find out where they’re from. What book they’re currently reading. How many brothers and sisters they have. It doesn’t have to be uncomfortably personal, like how close their relationship is to their parents, although it might develop into this. And it doesn’t have to happen overnight. Take your time. These are people you will run into multiple times. The first step is to simply make an effort. You never know who you might share interests or goals with.

2. Find out their needs.

Everybody has needs at various times. It might be a roommate or place to live, a business resource, or even just someone to lend a listening ear. A few simple questions can often reveal these needs. Examples include, “Describe your living situation,” “What’s the best part about your job?” or “What’s something you’ve always wanted but never had the chance to pursue?” Listen, don’t just hear, their answers. Ask them clarifying or follow-up questions. File this need away mentally.

3. Meet the need or connect them to someone who can help.

This might be your chance to connect on a deeper level and positively impact this person’s life. And, if you aren’t the right person, chances are, you know someone who could offer a place to stay, provide some business function or simply be a sympathetic ear. Scroll through your mental Rolodex of friends and acquaintances and make introductions to people who might be a great resource for them. In today’s digital communication age, you can e-mail both people each other’s contact info, connect them through LinkedIn or send them both a Facebook message. Or, you can go old school and actually invite them both over for lunch or dinner to make a more personal introduction. The actual need itself should determine the method of connection. The greater the need, the more personal the introduction should be.

You might be wondering, “What’s in it for me?” While I don’t think we should aspire to develop connectedness skills for these reasons alone, there are benefits. There is an intrinsic good feeling that results when we help others. “The brain responds to such cooperative behavior by releasing the feel-good chemical dopamine, and helping someone else improve — or even just watching an improvement — makes us, as empathetic beings, feel better.” (Reiss, 2010) To put it simply, you will feel better about yourself, and you will have the knowledge that you made a difference in someone’s life. In some cases, the person you helped or introduced to someone else might turn out to be a great resource for you. You never know how they may be able to help you in your time of need.

Remember, practice makes perfect, so even if it’s awkward at first, you’ll get the hang of it, and eventually, it could become a habit. And the worst that can happen – you’ll have tried something new. After all, in spite of time past and the onset of so many technological advances, the old adage, “It’s not what you know… remains extremely relevant today.